Should Parents be Inherently Loved?

Should Parents be Inherently Loved? As an adopted guy, I'm not entirely sure if my relationship with my parents is different than others. Is there some sort of intangible link between the child and the ones who created them? Does being raised by others sever that link? Is love supposed to be EARNED by the parents?
I would like to know these things for a few reasons. I want to reach a decision of whether or not I should visit my birth parents, or whether or not they would prefer that the past remain in the past. Also, if there is some sort of link present, and I have not experienced it, does that mean that I might be unable to link to a child as I should, were I to father one. I think about these things frequently, though there are only so many directions one mind can work in, so I would appreciate any serious input on the subject.

The way I see it, you love whom you love, regardless of whose genitals you burst from. Love isn't something one is born with, it's developed and strengthened, so in a sense, it is earned.

Though, as far as visiting your birth parents go. That should be a choice made by both parties, since showing up one day may result in unneeded drama and hurt feelings, and just because you were adopted doesn't mean you'll be a shitty father, you might even be a better father then most of those raised by their natural parents.

Just my three cents.

Honestly, they're people. Whether or not they have raised you in however they may have, or if they adopted you and took you under their wing. It doesn't matter. You choose who you want to love. Sure, they may have harbored you for some odd years. But honestly, it makes no difference to me if they are your parents or not. Seeing as how, everyone is human.

Though this poses the question: What is considered human? Inhuman?

I think he's using it as the common replacement for flawed or imperfect. "Everybody's Human" instead of "Nobody's Perfect."

That would make sense, I interpreted it as "Love is a human emotion.", a little vague but I think my point still carries through.

To not love would make one inhuman?

Possibly, considering it's a human thing to do.

Not necessarily. Some animals display all the symptoms of love, though we can't really ask them ourselves. Geese, for example, only pick one mate, ever. If the mate dies, the survivor spends the rest of it's life alone. There is always the cold rationalization that love is nothing but a mechanism of nature designed to increase both reproduction and the survival rate of young, though I am not arguing that this is necessarily true.

Though it is a valid point, then again I am a direct contradiction of this, seeing as I love a woman when I am a woman myself.

That argument is in regards to the origins of the mechanism. That same argument would also state that somewhere along the line some aspect of your neuro chemistry got reversed, and the target of said mechanism was misdirected.

Loner's Disclaimer: This is again, not necessarily my belief, and I in no way intend to trivialize your feelings for another/offend you. Yes, this disclaimer is necessary.

Well that argument is way better then: "You're a stupid dyke."

That could very well be true though, I'm all sorts of messed up.

I used to think the same of myself, being "Genetically depressed" and all that. Then I managed to alter my perspective. Instead of having something wrong with me, being "genetically depressed" became like being blonde or having brown eyes, to me. Perhaps there is some value to depressed people. After all, SOMEONE needs to know when everything is bullshit.

For me, the answer is quite simple, but it takes some explanation I would think (because, really, I want to feel important with a long post.)

Love is... What? Love is hard to explain because it is so unique. Love is... Dedication? Not necessarily. I love my grandfathers, even though I never met them. There is no dedication there. Love is... thinking about someone, and wanting them around. Because they make you happy, or because they make you think, or because they're smart, or pretty or... whatever. You can love in so many ways.

I love my best friend, Dylan.
It isn't sexual at all. I know I love him because I want him to be with me when I hear a joke, or when I'm writing. I can talk to him, and confide in him about my deepest secrets and desires. I want him just to be... there. I'm not gay -- I never think about that with him. I think and care about how he's doing, his woes and wishes I know very well.

I also know his history -- or at least, his family's history.
His biological father beat his mother. Beat him too -- until they ran away when he was still young. He loves his mother. Hates his father.

Love is not inherent. It is earned through being very present in someone's life until the point you can't imagine life without them.

That's my take -- naive or whatever you think of it.

I don't think this entire discussion was solely about love. Just for your parents. Loner's an adopted child, so I imagined he would bring up this discussion. His parents gave him away, either because they couldn't have him due to financial/child services or didn't plain want him. This is completely about loving your parents. Should it be inherent, no matter what happens to you and them?


I just don't believe that you should love your parents only because they raised you into the spontaneous little scumbag you are today, but it doesn't matter. Love is a choice, or just an emotion felt through the brain as affection. Sure, I hate my parents to the very core, and Loner knows why and can see that. But, I secretly love them for making me rather more enduring and sturdy.

Love for your guardians is not inherent, it's a gift. You trust them enough, and you build upon that, creating love for them.